Thursday, June 13, 2002

THOSE ROTTEN CAPITALIST SATIRE-MONGERS! It was bound to happen sooner or later: China's state-run Beijing Evening News was actually snookered by a story in The Onion, which "reported" last month that members of Congress were pressing for construction of a brand-new Capitol, complete with a retractable dome and luxury boxes, in order "to stay competitive."

After being forced to run a retraction and acknowledge its own error, the Chinese paper nevertheless proceeded to criticized The Onion, "apparently still not fully aware of the publication's mission as a purveyor of satire and laughs," according to the L.A. Times.

"Some small American newspapers frequently fabricate offbeat news to trick people into noticing them, with the aim of making money," the paper said. "This is what the Onion does."

(Thanks to Mike Flynn for the tip.)

Meanwhile ... back in the real world ... The Onion reports this week that the body of Mad Magazine reporter Phil Fonebone — kidnapped at the hands of Blecchistani extremists three months ago — has been discovered at an undisclosed location near Potrzebie.

The motivation for the attack remains unclear, but, according to a report by the Al Jerkzeera News Network, the kidnappers were seeking a ransom of "$35 million—CHEAP!" from the editors of Mad.

Though many of the specifics regarding Fonebone's murder remain unclear, some details are known. The body was badly decomposed, but coroners identified it by its oversized, folded-over feet.

As for the identity of the perpetrators, reports suggest the involvement of one or more mysterious, trench-coated espionage agents dressed in either all-white or all-black clothing, and described as "angular, birdlike males with wide-brimmed, pointy hats."


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